Ode...

...it's not going to rhyme or be an epic song it's just my sad, sad heart right now and I need to remember.

miss you my superman.   This is such an empty place without you.

take me back to the start...

...In the beginning there was a girl.  That girl is me, not to be confused with "That Girl."

This girl was busy working for Caring bridge and the Tumbleweed Foundation, both of which provide wonderful services to sick children and adults.  Caring bridge provides free blogs to keep families and frieds updated and the Tumbleweed Foundation provides additional services such as travel, food, gas, gifts for the siblings, etc.  Unfortunately the Tumbleweeds were unable to keep functioning as such.  I would love to start a service like that again.  Anyway, this girl was involved.

Being so involved this girl became followers of many patients, checking in on them daily and offering any help we could.  Sometimes prayers, sometimes more.  As patients recovered many of them went on to start blogs of their own.  this girl had no idea how that worked but  nevertheless followed them in their new venture.

After months and months of 'should I' or 'shouldn't I,'  this girl decided to start a blog of her own.  It's been nine years since she made that decision and even though many posts were silly nonsense, and serious nonsense, this girl felt less isolated and depressed as she told her story.  This girl found many friends with blogs who became real-life friends, many who became supportive prayer friends, many who understood her life.  The girl was very pleased.

But then the girl was sucked into a different world.  A place called Facebook, and as much as she struggled against it the pull to belong was too strong and she left the blogging world for the instant gratification.  Blogging occasionally she struggled to find things to share and as so her friends, with few exceptions, drifted away.  Maybe they had been lured away too.

Then one day about three months ago there was a huge change in the world.  The girl was very confused and sad.  People she thought were friends were spewing vile remarks at anyone and everyone on this Facebook.  It became a place of unhappiness, a place she no longer knew, no longer was it welcoming.  Less and less did the girl want to be part of it.  Yes, a few people railed against the hatred and posted some beautiful things but alas it wasn't enough to heal the girls innocence and broken heart.

The girl returned to her blogging roots.  Knowing she could offer her opinion without hesitation, knowing she could find kindness again, knowing she could be part of that kindness.  Several years later the girl, this girl, decided to return to her roots.  The girl is looking forward to a new lease on life. 

Time....

..."there never seems to be enough time
to do the things we want to do
once we find them..."

how true, how true.   How is it that the time has passed so quickly that we are now coming into the last month of the year.  The last season of celebration before we start all over again.  I really don't see how that can be possible.  Where did the time go, and why oh why is it moving so very quickly?  Or is it me?  It seems the older I get the more I want time to slow down a little but somehow it got put on fast forward and the days are flying be.  This could turn into a melancholy post if I'm not careful so moving on...

Between my house and the river, about 1/2 mile, lies a working Christmas tree farm and although we have lived here for fifteen years we have never gone down there during the tree season.  The rest of the year the farm, which is quite large, is mostly a playground for the neighborhood kids and dogs as we hike the trails down to the river. 

That is, until today.

After our weekly coffee date we decided to drive home the long way (through the neighborhood) and followed the signs to the farm.  See?

In the most bizarre, not-so-well-thought-out, directions the road takes you to the end of the neighborhood and through the side yard and then the children's park, down a rocky hill, through an iron gate, and finally into the tree farm.

I had no idea it was this large or the amount of trees that are available for cutting.  It is solely a u-cut farm with the trees running around $60.  Is that a lot for a tree?

 They've got Nobles and Douglas Fir, big and small, and lots of tall dried out grass to stomp through.  It was quite the muddy mess but as I recall from our days of tree-cutting with the kids, this only makes it more fun.

The road winds around and around, past the saws and twine shack, to the loading zone and then the cashier after which it leads back towards the park and pops you out into the middle of the neighborhood only to shake your heads and wonder what were they thinking here?!  There surely had to be a better way to design this.

Not putting up my tree yet...how about you?

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I see...

Strawberries and cream...

Where are you Christmas?

November morning...

We are all just walking each other home.

...as I sit here in my little cocoon, devoid of any media but trying to calm the chaos in my mind, licking my wounds, reading, and remembering.  None of this having anything to do with the recent elections, although I am still numb.  I needed to quiet the constant noise of the tele, the house and the new normal around here. 

I have had a hard time adjusting to my brothers living with us.  In many ways I am glad he is here, he is a help to my hubby, and a part of me feels grateful that we are able to do this for him.  And another part of me...well, it's hard to explain.  It's having another man in the house that I have to share a bathroom with.  I spent many a year 'training' my hubby to put the toilet seat down, to clean hair out of the tub, you know---all the things that are so simple yet so disgusting to have to do for other people, especially grown ups who should know how to do these things.  How to put things away, clean up the kitchen counters....I swear I'm living with an eight year old...and the farting, OMG!

Okay moving on.  We took the grandboy to the Museum of Flight yesterday, a very busy Veterans Day.  He was so completely fascinated with everything especially the helicopters and the marching bands.  He told us all about every exhibit and which ones were the best.  (he's been here before).  We had to cross a sky bridge and he had fun trying to push g'ma up the hill in her wheelchair then going back down sitting on her lap pretending to be on a roller coaster.  Hands in the air yelling 'wheeeee!'  The museum is very interactive and many of the exhibits had kids lined up to 'fly' planes, parachute, tour rockets, crawl through trenches, use radio signals, land planes, etc.  It really is an amazing place and a wonderful way to spend the day.   I'm so glad we went.   Having a grand to show you around made it that much better.

Busy week ahead.  Four doctor appointments, which means four co-pays, lab work and MRI's.  Ick, I'm tired already.   I need to start writing things down but even more than that I need to remember to bring what I've written down with me, so it goes with grocery lists!

Wishing you a good week, healthy, happy, grateful and safe.  For my NZ friends; I have you in my prayers.  Be well, be kind...friends. 

the rant is over, let peace reign throughout the land...

...nothing has changed but my attitude was starting to annoy even myself so I took a good look at things and decided it is what it is and I need to deal.  Also, I wanted to enjoy my favourite season and I was getting in the way of myself.

We had a little leaf, which oddly looks like a bird, hitch a ride home from the doctors office a few days ago...

hope you are all safe and sound.  Happy Fall/Spring!

every picture tells a story....

 anticipation....

 is making me late...

 is keeping me waaaaiting...

 finally, let me smell this place, let me mark my spot...

let me wade in the ice cold river...                   that's love.

jump, skip and a kidney bump...

we've jumped right into the school year here.  Both the grands are in school now, kindergarten and running start programs.  I cried, mom cried, dad cried but the kids had the best time and are anxious for each new school day.  They are even anxious to get to bed at night so when they wake up it's time to go again.  I remember those days.

skipping; went right from spring to fall with barely a misstep.  How I miss summer, they are so beautiful here.  Needless to say our garden was a bust again, only got a few strawberries, fewer blueberries and one lonely little tomato.  Oh well, there's always next year the hopeful gardener exclaimed.

bump; went the kidney.  Was feeling a little off a few days ago, then started with the nausea and vomiting, the wild blood sugars, more vomiting....you get the idea.  By the fourth day it was coming up blood so it was a trip to the local bed and breakfast by the way of the little red wagon.  Also known as the hospital via ambulance.  Spent the week there and just got released on Saturday.  Kidney function is not the best so I'm pumped up with more meds and have appointments next week.  Poor hubs has to run me all over town when he gets home from work.  While I was an impatient we had out of towners visiting...oh my but bad timing.  Have them staying with another sibling now.  I need to rest....why is that so hard to understand?   I am the only one of us sins that have a chronic illness and no one has ever taken the time to deal with it or take it seriously.  Makes it hard when I say I can't do something and they do it anyway thinking I'm not serious.  Ouch.

Getting chill here already, cool days and cooler nights...blankets and space heater time.  Pretty so the lovely Fall colours will show themselves and all will be right with the world.   take care all.

let's do the time warp again...

how is it possible that our little punky girl is headed off to kindergarten today?  I want to go back, sweet baby, back to the start when you were shiny and new and everyone thought you looked like g'ma...then you grew up.  Look at you now.  So beautiful and happy and so very ready for this new adventure.  p.s.  your mom and dad started crying as soon as you turned away.  I did the same when your daddy got on the school bus.  Enjoy my love.

Today marks two months since my surgery.  I has been a slow, very arduous recovery but finally, finally I am feeling stronger, am sleeping only at night and able to take care of my own house again.  I still need help with some things and still no lifting or caffeine.  I think the caffeine is the hardest part to overcome!

We have only had a few scattered days of summer sunshine and hot weather and now I can feel Fall is on the way when I go out in the evening.  Love Fall but I love summer sunshine the best...maybe an Indian summer is on tap.  How are  you all doing my dear ones?  I know a few of you are waiting for Spring...it will be here soon.  take care all.

of sweetness and light...

...last weekend my grand girl came over for a visit.  Not only did I see her, after being woken from a nap by some babies bouncing on the bed, but she left her trademark when she went home.

I have some decorative birds in the house and my little one is the epitome of love and light.  After she went home I noticed that all of the birds are standing beak to beak as if in an embrace/kiss.

Hubby said he saw her bringing water to them, touching it to her finger and then to their lips.  She went outside and did the same thing with the tiny bird bath and feeder we have.  She has such a gentle soul, a true loving spirit.  After a rough week in this country it seems we need a lot more of that.  The innocence of a sweet baby girl and her concern for the world around her.  She is a wonderful blessing and it crushes my spirit to know that someday, something, somewhere, someone will change that.  For now though, I want to send it out there and enjoy it.


On another note...I have a date with a robot for kidney surgery on Wednesday at 5a.m., I'm guessing robots never sleep!  If all goes well I will be without my left kidney and we will deal with the right one in six weeks.  The plan is 3-5 days in the hospital although I have only been approved for one!  Save a prayer, be well my friends.  I will be back when time allows     ;j

Monday snap...

Not too sure about the photo, it's the only one I could access on Picasa.  I'm on a new (to me) laptop and I am completely lost with Windows 10.  The learning curve seems to get longer the older I get.  Not to say that I am thrilled to be back online, so are my creditors.  Funny how that works, they make us use the internet for banking and paying bills yet when your computer crashes you have no way to access the needed info.  It's   been a strange few weeks having to go to the bank and pay bills in person.  They treat you like you are too stupid to do it online...little do they know!

Thank you all for the wonderful comments of support and for hanging in here with me, even your prayers touch my heart.  I have been feeling rather punky lately due to my low hematocrit, have had lots of doctor appointments getting clearance for the big day.  Looks like I will need to have a transfusion a few days before surgery to pump me up.  Saw the cardiologist and all is well in that area, next is labs (again) and then pre-op.  We were scheduled for June 2 but the hospital had to rearrange some things, including my date.  Gives me time to get more things done, but of course adds to the 'what ifs.'

I hope you are all well and I will be back in a bit...really.

distractify...phase one

...meaning; to do whatever it takes to distract Joanne from the untimely surgery and recovery she is about to undergo.  To maintain her indelible spirit and strength...and maybe make her feel a little lighthearted for just a moment.  Give it all you got...

We have always been stewards of planet Earth, always recycling, reusing and whatever the other 're' is.  When our children were growing up they would do the recycling of household goods, cans, bottles, cardboard etc, and once monthly we would load it up and take it to our local recycling center.  At that time the center would pay for our efforts by the pound (now they just take it and charge you).  The kiddies would 'earn' the money and split it being allowed to buy whatever they wanted.  This was usually just a few dollars and would often go for treats such as ice cream, soda or candy, none of which were bought on a regular basis or kept in the house.

 Recently I came across a site Globein.  It carries hand made items from all over the world and your monthly 'gift' to them helps support education in faraway lands.  In return you receive a small gift in a hand-made basket, the perfect size for re-gift giving.  The first month I was gifted a small bowl, hand-painted in blues and yellow.  Last month a beautiful towel with delicate embroidery on the edges, from India.  This month, well this month they took recycling to a whole new level...well, well just see for yourself;
(click on the photo to enlarge)

There you have it friends,  a notebook made from recycled elephant pooh!  You can't get much more unique than that.  This really made my day, on a day when I needed a chuckle.  I just may keep my surgery 'notes' in this one.
 

Monday snap...

Hubby took this pic a few days ago while he was doing lawn work.  In my earlier days I would have been upset at the fluttering of dandelion seeds, they are after all a weed, but my little ones set me straight and hubby knew the memories this lone photo would evoke.

Today I will lay in the grass, damp with the morning dew, and let the warm rays of the sun fall on my body and warm my aching spirit and saddened soul.  Just for today I will remember those beautiful toe-headed sprites  of mine running in the morning sun, bare feet damp with the morning dew, blueberry picking and home made pancakes.  Just for today I will be in that place where no one ages, where children laugh, and no one gets sick.  Just for today I will shout to the moon and count the stars and know I am blessed.  Just for today...

as tomorrow starts a new chapter in this journey we call 'life.'

In plain sight...

...last Fall when the stores were looking towards Spring and put their bulbs on sale buy one get one I jumped on the bandwagon and bought several packages.  Then I promptly put them away somewhere and forgot all about them.  We've all done that right?

Of course, I put them somewhere that would be so obvious that there was no way I would not remember the place.   So, these last few weeks with Spring like weather and pretty flowers on my mind I decided that maybe I should look for them.  Never mind that the time for bulb planting was long past, I was on a mission.

I looked high and low, the garage got torn apart, the potting bench, the storage area for the summer furniture, the laundry room...all a big NO.  It began to feel like a big, stupid game of where's Waldo.

Yesterday I was putting away groceries and noticed a bag in the way back of the fridge.  Now please let me be clear, I clean out the fridge on a weekly basis and wipe it down every two weeks...I'm rather OCD about that.  But there was this bag in an area of the fridge that is completely useless, or so I thought.  The space is the width of the door but only about an inch wide, can't fit much of anything in there and is usually only used for any medication that needs refrigeration.  The bag;  full of bulbs.

I vaguely remember hearing that the fridge was a great place to store the bulbs so they would think it was winter and not sprout too early.  Too early is not going to be a problem here.  I've got my chicken doo and a few bags of organic potting soil all ready to go...next stop?  Bulbs.

Please, please tell me now...

Happy Leap Day everyone...leap yourself into something new and fun.



Now, if you know, tell me how this little chub-a-love with red hair and bare feet became this:

 amazing five year old, chub-a-love, full of mischief, a photo exact image of her daddy, and still bare footed girl.  Happy Birthday Maude, I adore every bit of you my sweet bug.

This is the three-tiered cake as requested and made by her daddy.  Good job dad!  Each layer a different colour and flavour.

Yes...

A little fuzzy, cell phone pic, but I think she likes it!

Monday snap...no snap...layers and tiers

yes this will be random and 'snap' less since I still cannot access my photos.  I hate posting without some sort of photo so just look up to my header pic and that should make you smile.  My grandgirl and her friend playing at the park last summer when this was taken, wow, what timing to get that action.  Love it.

Okay, so we are random this week since I have been so nonchalant about posting.  I have good reason though...I'm sick.  I know I'm always sick but having a chronic illness that begs for attention every minute over the last fifty years is waaaay different than being sick.  I'm never sick, never have colds, flu, migraines, etc.  Well in the last three weeks I've run the gambit.  I started with that feeling that I was fighting off something, which turned into a cold, then that turned into bronchitis and now here I sit with pneumonia.  Good grief.  I've not felt this punky in a long time.  It's exhausting.  To be honest just life has been exhausting lately but I don't admit that to get sympathy or a lecture so if you want to join in the pity party you are welcome, and if you want to whine or bring wine that's fine too!

While most of the country is shivering in sub-zero temps and snow we have been enjoying very warm, for us, temps.  It was 65degrees yesterday and we have not had a freeze all winter long.  I enjoy seasons and especially our occasional snow events but it's been a few years since we have had snow.  You know what that means right?  Bugs.  Bugs, crawly, flying, stinging, creeping bugs.  Without a freeze the summer will be miserable with them.

No silver lining there.

We decided to have a 'no spend' month.  Since February is the shortest month we thought it would be a good place to start.  Keeping track of all our out of pocket expenses, only buying groceries at the grocery store, only the necessities of paying bills, gas for the car.  No spending on coffee out, dinner out (which is rare), no goodies for the grands.  So far it's been very eye opening.  Our co-pays for doctors and rx are out of sight...well over $$$ so far this month and growing.  Now I can see some big changes having to take place if hubby wants to retire in two years.  PLUS, I am really itching to take a stroll around Target!

I was unable to attend my beautiful, smart, sassy, funny, artistic, joker, grandgirls birthday party yesterday.  She turned the big 5!  I can't remember how so much time has passed so quickly.  She was just a newborn, all red and wrinkly, laying in her isolette while her poor mamma was drunk with that new baby happiness/pain med mixture.  Now she's going to be headed to school in the Fall after two years of pre-school.  She is such a treasure, something I could have never imagined feeling in this life.  In a word: delightful.

She put in a special order for her birthday cake this year, which her daddy made and I am anxious to see pics of.  She did not want a 'layer' cake but a three 'tiered' cake.  Basically a wedding cake!  He did it, pulled it off, each tier a different colour, shape, and size.  I'm sure they had a blast.  Darn I missed it...two years in a row, I really suck a making special memories.  Just ask my own.

Have a good week peeps.  Stay clear of those 'sick' people because this stuff is ugly.  I even got my flu, whooping cough, pneumonia and booster shots this year.  gah.

Monday snap...insomniac...

 ...the sleepless nights that hold the deepest, darkest secrets.


 

Monday snap...mash-up version...

....just so much happening here, not all good but bearable.  Have a few photos that I want to share;

 you know Miss M and I have an agreement that I can take one (1) and only one photo of her when we are together.  I asked her if she was ready and she agreed, then sunk down to the floor and this is what was in her place.  Little sneak!

hubby and I didn't have the funds to 'celebrate' our anniversary in style but we did have a coupon for a free cupcake...red velvet, my favourite.  It was a good day anyway, 42 years is pretty good right?

 I made this cranberry upside cake for Thanksgiving dinner, easy-peasy and pretty too.

one should always have a goal.  Mine has been to get the back room, craft room, dressing room, overflow room and whatever else it is under control.  This is where I am at after five hours of sorting.  Several boxes to go to different places, thrift store, nursing home, and senior center.  Making progress.

 she didn't know I was peeking!

Have a wonderful week friends.   Be safe, be healthy, be strong, and be grateful...;j

tiny bubbles...

we had a little family get together a few weekends ago.  Nothing like bribing your grand-children over to your place than with a new swimming pool.  Yep, we know how to live it up around here.

Lots of bubbles too!
(the outside photos were taken from the inside through the window screen, I haven't been outside in my back yard all year but I can get close when the windows are open)

Miss M caught off-guard by the picture taking...

here again, mommy snuck up on her and caught her cheer leading, rah-rah.

the new pool. has a slide and a crocodile mouth full of balls, and of course bubbles.

bubbles and more bubbles...

Miss M's mommy caught with the camera, she doesn't mind, I think she may have a bubble in her eye. 

That is about all the excitement around here.  No rain for over three months, everything is crisp and my gardens are hideous.  Maybe it is a good thing I can't get out there and see them.   We had one pepper that we have been babying along for quite awhile and almost ready to pick when it was eaten by some sort of critter.  Left a big bite right out the center.  The gall.    No green grass and most annuals are gone due to watering restrictions.  Very scary fire danger out there.  We have a field behind our back fence and it it just dried out brush just waiting for the right time to take off---fingers crossed.  The whole west coast is sizzling it seems.  Hoping things are well where you are and that now that the dog-days of summer are here you are safe and enjoying the season's end.

monday snap...

 hot day silliness..

a happy lion face from my grandson.  knock-knock
                                                           who's there?
                                                           lion
                                                           lion who?
                                                           ROOOAAAAARRRR!
two year olds first knock knock joke. 

 first apples of the season, so early that they didn't grow any larger before turning red.  These are Gravenstein and wow are they tart.

 through the looking glass.

love Gerbera daisies, even they think it's too hot to be outside.

have a wonderful, happy, healthy, safe week.  I have so many people that I am holding special intentions for and am holding hope and faith for them.  Be well friends.