"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Monday, March 30, 2015

in this room (1996)...

March 30, 1996
In this room, eleven floors up, I can see the city skyline and view of Puget Sound, the deep blue water as the sun sets on a beautiful Spring day.
in this room, where the windows don't open I can hear the muffled sounds of the city, life humming at a frantic speed.
In this room, there are deafening noises, muffled breaths, silent voices.
In this room, where death patiently waits and miracles hover in the wings.
In this room, lies a small, frail woman of about seventy years.  Her red hair now mostly white.  Her beautiful peaches and cream skin thin as tissue paper.  Her fiery green eyes closed, no expression at all.
In this room, lies my mother.
The first woman in my life, the one who nurtured me, held me up, watched me grow.  The one who was my best friend, who called me most days and would send the dogs out looking for me if I was late.  The one who boldly stood at my side as the doctors told me my son had died, who defied the nurses to see him and baptize him. The one, the strong one, the one who knew 'everything,' the one I needed now more than ever before.  The one.
In this room, I stood holding her hands, praying her prayers, calling her name.  
In this room, I watched her last breath.
In this room where so many lives have hung in the balance I said good-bye.
In this room I stood alone and cried. 

 In memory of my mother Therese who left this earth 19 years ago, leaving me with an empty space that can never be filled again.  There hasn't been a day that I haven't wondered how I could get through this life without her in it and now suddenly it's been 19 years.  I hope I've done it well.

 Sometimes the most painful chapters of our lives —- are the most meaningful chapters of our lives.


  1. Dear Joanne, those memories never go away totally, I remember a room so similar, on a ground floor, no view, a so small squeeze on my hand, barely able to feel it, a murmur so quiet, just one word. I send you my love and so many caring thoughts as you wrote those words with love and immense courage. Hugs. XXX

  2. Joanne, thank you for sharing this.
    It is very beautiful.

  3. Joanne- What a beautifully written memory of your last moments with your mother. I felt that way about my dad. He died when I was 21 and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. My mother died when I was 35..and I miss her, too, but on a different level.

    God bless you as you get through the day. xo Diana

  4. I was in a room like this as well. It was five years ago and I miss my Mom terribly. I see her in everything I do and say. I work at being the best of her and that way I honor her life.
    Please know that these wonderful women, who gave us their best efforts and years, will be happiest when we are happy.
    Be sad, mourn her, miss her... and then be happy that you had a good person for a mother. She gave you a great example. Love her memory, sweetie.

  5. Your Mom would be proud of you Joanne, and I hope mine is of me. She would have stood by & held me as your mother did when my son died. It would have broken her heart for herself & for me.
    My Dad always told me "there is NO ONE like your Mother she always has your back" I have told my sons the same thing "I have your back-always".I miss my Mum too, but I haven't "lost" her, I know where she is!

  6. To try your best and leave this world a bit better than we found it...it's what we moms (and grandmas) do. Or else, why live?

    Lovely memory and it makes me appreciate every moment with my mom while I still have her.


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