"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Sunday, June 2, 2013

on the road again...

...the road to recovery, the long, and winding road that leads to recovery.  Uh-oh, I'm getting my songs mixed up again.   I haven't been around here much lately but I checked in tonight and, after reading all your comments, decided I should say something.  I can't guarantee that it will be anything coherent but then again, I am "random."

I got an e-mail telling me that I over-share.  That no one really needs or wants to know the difficult details of my life.  Well, that is exactly why I started blogging, not looking for sympathy but empathy.  Looking for others who have shared this difficult journey, maybe learning something from them that will help me, maybe helping them in turn.  So feel free to "X"it out of here because if I was to really share this ride,  if  I really was to share the details, the defeats, the crying, screaming, nightmare of having someone cut off your leg, bit by bit, you would be physically sick to your stomach.

I won't lie, I haven't yet, but I won't tell 'all.'  This has been difficult.  I know I've been here before but that doesn't make it any easier.  If anything it makes it harder.  The first time I was naive, I was stupid in fact, believing the doctor and how wonderful my life would be after the surgery.  He left out a lot of things, little things of everyday life that no one thinks about and takes for granted.  Now it's different.  It's sixteen years later, I'm not the same person with the sunny attitude and positive outlook.  The one who wanted to get this over with so I could be back with my family, raise my children.  Well, now they are raised and I am different.  I don't have the same strength that I used to have, I'm older, jaded, heavier...makes it hard to move from one place to another on one leg.  And I don't care.

That last thread is unraveling.  And yes, I know there is much sorrow and loss, so much pain in our extended world right now but no, this is not a plea for pity.  It is what it is.  It's not depression, I know depression by name.  It's just so hard and there is no end in sight...more surgery, more chipping away at my poor leg.  More recovery...more dust, and doctor appointments and husbands who are fed up.  More, more, more.

And then I came here and read your comments.  I started to feel not so alone.  Like a whisper to my soul you have touched me, touched my heart with your words of tenderness.  Mercy.


~~~to all my friends and loved ones in the mid-west, in the track of the storms, in the face of the fear, please be safe.  When the walls come tumbling down we will be there~~~
please help if you can;  American Red Cross

15 comments:

  1. Joanne, this is what blogging and sharing is all about. We are here to help each other through the good and the bad. Life doesn't promise us it will all be a bed of roses.You have been there for me with my cancer and your readers will always be here for you. Venting is a good thing....a lot better than keeping everything bottled up.
    Take care Joanne and a big hug from me.
    Jill.

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  2. Don't stop SHARING... and don't hold back! We can choose to read or not to read. I choose to READ! You have "whispered to my soul"... and I find my heart aches for a woman I have only met through the words of her blog. I have had "writer's blog" lately... but the more I read, the more motivated I become to start up again. Sharing our feelings is hard - and receiving that email must have hurt. Don't let it destroy you... You are definitely not alone!

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  3. What Debbie said goes for me, too. The person who sent that email, well, they must be a very small person.
    *hugs*
    Praying for you. ♥

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  4. Dear Joanne, I agree with the previous commenters. If someone is offended, let them leave. No one forces another to read or agree with the blogger. This is your space, so blog ahead. I've been inspired by your writing.

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  5. Oh- Joanne- I just wish I could be there and give you a big old hug and sit a spell and have coffee (or tea or whatever-doesn't matter) with you. It is hard because spouses don't ever "get it"...unless it is them...then it is the worst of the worst. I am so sorry that you have to go through so much. I can only begin to imagine the pain and anxiety you endure..and yet, you keep your face forward and face it bravely, stoically. You can do this- You did it before and you can do it again.

    As for that lady that sent you the email well I won't tell you where I would like to put her computer- but you can guess. Who the H is she to think she can dictate what a person can, or can't, write and share? Obviously, she has no idea what you are going through and is lacking some compassion.

    If you ever need to "talk" you KNOW that I am only an email away- Love to you- hang in there and keep writing- it's cathartic. xo Diana

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  6. Oh, sweet Joanne I cannot even imagine what it is like to go through what you are going through and I would love to make it all better for you but all I can do is pray and hope. This is your blog and you should write on it what you choose to. If someone does not like what you write they do not have to read it and can move on. Our blogs can be a good tool to help us heal and there is always someone out there that will be there for us. Keep writing sweet Joanne. I am on a break right now but saw you had posted and wanted to come check on you. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers sweet lady. Hugs, Maggie

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  7. Jo, this is your blog..and you have every right to say whatever you wish..I care and want to know how it's going, how you feel..how we can help with prayers or just by encouraging words. I work in surgery..I know how this disease plays out. It's the one thing I remember from being a student and seeing my first amputation because of diabetes...so don't hold back and let us be there for you. Please keep trying and healing. That's my prayer for you.

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  8. Delete those who don't understand. It's about them, not you. This is an ugly thing that is happening to you and we, who care, are here. The others don't matter.
    Keep the faith and heal, my friend.

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  9. Hi Jo!
    haven't checked in on your blog for a while... now, I'll need to go back and see what life event has prompted this post. I am sorry to hear that some reader has decided what YOU should do with the stories of your life. Pay no mind. If you find comfort and the warmth of your readers' embraces by sharing some of your inner most thoughts - then GO for it - share away! Sending hugs. Shari (Abundant Picnic)

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  10. Oh Joanne...this rather broke my heart. There seems to be so much suffering in this world, on many levels, with many different people. I felt sad that you recieved a comment saying you "overshare"....because TRULY, I have found through blogging great strength from people I don't even know. They have taught me, counseled me, inspired me.....so many things. We (I believe) are here on this earth to HELP each other through our darkest hours and times of need. I don't begin to say or think I know the difficulty of what you are going through, but my heart reaches out to you. and I CARE

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  11. I cannot understand some people. Just wish her well and move along...the last thing you need right now is to have resentment toward this person cluttering up your life and healing process. It's just not worth it. You have true friends who wish you well and pray for you. That's what counts.

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  12. Y'all just keep sharing--that's what keeps blogging real and makes us friends. Blowing off steam is so very helpful at keeping us sane, seeing the humor, finding some blue sky, and fending off the evil moods that we all sometimes get.

    Giant hug to you and your poor leg as you recuperate. And thanks for the photo of that little cutie-pie. You've gotta love the Terrible Twos!

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  13. Joanne,

    This is YOUR blog! You can write anything you want. Also, I want to know what you are going through, I really do. I like how you are honest and open about many things. I agree with many of the comments. I gain strength knowing that in many ways, I am not alone with so many things. I hope that the healing is going well and I look so forward to your posts!

    heather

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  14. Hi Joanne. This is your life and you are 'recording' it here. There is no 'right way' to do this. Only your way. If people don't like it, then goodbye to them.
    Your approach to your life and health situations is what attracted me in the first place.
    I am sorry to hear about the on-going issues you are dealing with with your leg. But I know you have a 'light' in there...we have all seen it and you know it is there too. It always flickers and is present even you don't feel it. That is what makes you who you are Joanne....your 'soul'.
    So, do the best you can to get through this. It may be the ideal way but it is your way and screw the rest. Life is not always pretty and sweet. But it will be again for you.

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comments, comments, comments! If you've got 'em share 'em. If you are a no comment blogger I will try to answer back on this post. If you are...expect a personal reply from me! Cheers, and please mind those manners.

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