"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

little by little, bit by bit, and piece by piece...

if you have diabetes type 1 then you know exactly what that statement means.  This disease just keeps taking...taking parts of your body, your soul, your joy and your life.  And I just keep wondering how much more I can possibly give, how much stronger do I have to be, when is the giving enough?  I had a friend ask me once, "just how much am I supposed to give before it is enough?"  I couldn't answer, I was too afraid to, to afraid to find out 'just how much.'

Since last November I have fighting a bone infection in my 'little-leg.'  It's been a tough go with non stop antibiotics, non-weight bearing and a return of my BFF~depression.   A few days ago, after an MRI, I found that things were headed in the wrong direction.  We diabetics are notorious for slow healing but this was backwards slow even for me.  And now?  Now comes some more hard choices.

Tomorrow I will enter hospital for IV antibiotics and then surgery on Friday to remove the dead tissue and bone.  This means my leg will at the very least be an inch shorter than it is now and possibly worse.  Yeah, you read that right...worse, as in I could lose my leg above the knee.  I've always had a line in my mind that I would not cross and we are getting mighty close to it this go around.

I want to see my babies with their families, I want to see my grandbabies grow up.  I want to be part of their lives and for them to know me as grandma...not as 'grandma in the wheelchair.' 

If you are the praying type please send up a few on angel wings.  If you are not the praying type please send a kind thought, some Peace and light into the Universe.  We could all use some light on our paths.  Take care dear ones and I will be back as soon as I can with an update.   "prayers for big and little things fly heavenward on little wings, and there is not one thought or word that goes unanswered or unheard."

12 comments:

  1. Sending you lots of prayers Joanne and the hope for a speedy recovery.

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  2. Thinking of you, my friend- always and with ferocity. Working up a good 'fierce' goes a long way :)

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  3. I can't imagine the worry you're going through right now, Joanne, but I'm in your corner and hoping you astonish and amaze those doctors!

    My grandma was in a wheelchair for many years and we just thought of her as grandma and fought over who got to use her 'chair when she wasn't using it! Dang it, there is go being all "glass half full" again--sorry!

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  4. *hugs* Joanne. I can not imagine what you are going through.
    I don't know your fight. My hubby is type 2. His mother and grandmother were type 1.
    There is a friend who is diabetic, who had her foot amputated and is undergoing therapy right now.
    It's easy for me to say that you shouldn't worry about being in a wheelchair.
    One blog I read, her mother eventually was in a wheelchair and was a teacher and her daughters thought nothing of it.
    Is there a VA hospital near you? Perhaps you could find inspiration there.
    But of course you will have my prayers, too. May God comfort you. *hugs* ♥

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  5. I love you Jojo, and yes, I do understand, as you know I too am a type 1 for many years. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep in touch!

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  6. "And He will raise you up on Eagle's wings, bear you to the light of dawn, make you shine in the sun and hold you in the palm of His Hand." Truly believe that, dear sister friend. We are praying with many of our prayer warriors and God will see you through. Know how much I love you and I will be anxiously waiting to hear updates from your daughter. Love you.

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  7. Oh, Joanne, I'm so sorry. I hope and pray all will be okay. Praying for you.

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  8. Oh I'm praying for you my friend, depression is a hard thing to fight off but hopefully this in between step will help enough to forestall the wheelchair. Sending hugs and light into your universe.

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  9. Jojo, I can't imagine how you are feeling. Sometimes it gets overwhelming and we feel we just can't do anymore, but somehow we just do. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope fiercely for the best! Sending you big hugs sweetie!!

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  10. I am sending lots and lots of prayers! I will also ask my fellow prayer warriors to pray for you. I am also sending you so many hugs that there won't be a minute without one!

    heather

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  11. Oh, Jojo, this is a scary time. I hear your fear and wish I could sit and talk to you.
    All I can do is tell you that I have pieces missing too and you do survive. It will take a huge effort and when you're so tired that you think you can't go one more step... you do.
    Please have faith that God isn't doing this to you... he is only given you something to hold on to. It will be a mental and physical challenge... but you can do it because you will wake up and find yourself still breathing and that's what God is trying to say... "Just breath."... one breath at a time.
    I'm praying for you and sending all my love.

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  12. I have not been a very good blog friend the past few months and didn't realize this until this morning. I am sending you many healing prayers. I wish I could come and visit you. You are one of the strongest people I know, and I know that you will come through this. I will continue to pray for healing. Hugs around, too!

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