Embracing change...

"apple blossom" amaryllis

...NOT  that change, I'm pretty sure I will never embrace that one, but then again I'm sure there is wisdom even there.

January always seems to be a month of reflection for me.  I attribute that to the let-down after the holiday rush and the dreary weather.  I am sure that those of you who are snowed in have at least seen the sun shine a few times...not so, here.  It lends itself to cabin fever, dark moods, wondering and reflection.

This week I will finally get to meet my new grand-daughter.  Whether she make her way here on her own or with the help of the doctor.  To say we are anxious and excited are understatements for sure, and I have no doubt this event is contributing to these confusing emotions that have rattling around my head.

There has been much extended family drama as of late and although I make a choice to not be involved in it, it is nevertheless exhausting to me.  Why these people, who are adults, can not act like grown-ups is baffling.  The jealousy, pettiness and back-stabbing feels like middle school all over again and again and again.  Oh, the game playing and the sneaking around other's backs, is just...just...just...too much and I don't want to spend any more time on it.  I am sure all families get this way on occasion but it seems to be a way of life for some of mine!

My son is the first child, grand-child, and great grand-child and now his daughter will be the same.  I only wish that my parents were here to share this wonderful and exciting time with us as they completely adored our children and would be beside themselves at the thought!  They would have been thrilled for us too, and would have acted like grown-ups!  My only other wish would have been for my daughter-in-laws mother to be here.  To be without a mom, she passed when Lauren was a teen, at this most blessed time would be unbearable. And the un-uttered wish of my heart: Matthew...

So, to my sweet Maude-Lily;

travel safely here dear one, we have waited so very long for you to come into our lives and we will be waiting with open arms and full hearts when you make your grand entrance.  You will be amazed, as will we, you will be treasured and loved beyond measure.  I know that when I see and hear you that I will be surrounded by mom, dad, Mattie and Myrna as they are as much a part of you as I am.  Sweet dreams...