...sitting on the edge of the bed, taking off my shoes for the day, brings to mind another day so long ago, when I ached to talk to you much like I do now.
We were all at a birthday party together and from the get-go I knew something was not right. When I came over to talk to you your big brown eyes (when did your eyes turn brown?) flashed at me as if lightening in the sky. I could feel the anger emanating from your every pore. I didn't understand what was happening or why, and to this day I still do not know.
I called you that night, while sitting on the edge of my bed taking off my shoes. I desperately needed to talk to you, to hear your voice. The voice of our mother. You didn't answer the phone but the words I heard next were devastating. "I was no longer welcome in your life, I would never be allowed to speak to you again." What could be so egregious that you would have him tell me that. Why couldn't you tell me what it was.
A few days later I had a heart attack no doubt brought on by the stress of grieving yet another loss in my life. I thought that what ever it was between us that you would find a way to be with me but I was wrong. I've been wrong so many times. For all of my days and nights that I have left I will never be able to understand how you could walk away.
I haven't forgotten you. Not a day passes that you don't come to mind. I've sent you cards and letters, e-mail, texts, phone messages and even sought you out on facebook. For what ever reason you do not respond back, not a word, not a worry. When will I learn.
I still grieve for you, for us. Not only did I lose my sister, my friend, my confidant and partner in crime...my children lost their aunt. It is unforgiveable that you would walk away from them. And now, now that I have something happy and wonderful to share with you I am once again at a loss. Sometimes it is overwhelming.