"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Friday, January 22, 2010

some days are diamonds...

...some days are dust.

I am going to speak from my heart here and not my head as the two seem to be so far apart lately.

I am not the kind of person who easily gets her feathers ruffled.  I rarely get on my soapbox but when I do, watch out, I take no prisoners.  I try to be respectful of others feelings, opinions, and beliefs and I expect to be treated in the same matter.  I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and am very sensitive to having my feelings hurt, especially when it's "personal."  I've just never been able to toughen up nor am I able to dish it out, unnecessarily.   I am an enigma...I am a paradox.

There has been so much pain and suffering in the world lately.  The big world and my little one included.  I often get caught up in all the suffering and find that I have spent hours upon hours in thought.  It is overwhelming.  I don't know any other way. 


When I lost my first born, well intentioned-well meaning, friends and realtives made some of the most painful comments to me. I immediately took those things to heart and wondered how someone could be so cruel. It is difficult, even now, for me to find forgiveness for such insensitivity.


I appreciate all of your supportive comments, you are my diamonds and will always have my gratitude.  I am beginning to find some comfort and peace with all of this.  I know that keeping busy will help.  We have weekend plans with the kids, I've decided to paint my kitchen, and there is always the purging of the house to sort through.  Hell...I even laughed today!   Take care y'all and have a good weekend.

making sense??  I think not!

14 comments:

  1. Oh, Jojo,
    So many people, myself included, speak before they engage their brains. I'm sure people didn't mean to say hurtful, insensitive things. So often, we don't know how our words come across.

    I've never lost a child, but my mom lost her firstborn. She said it was the toughest thing that ever happened to her.

    May the Lord give you peace today.

    BTW: I love the orchid! It's beautiful! Just like you!

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  2. JoJo, sending ((hugs)) and love your way. have a great weekend and keep on laughing.
    <><

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  3. Oh JJ...you know that I know what you're talking about with the comments. I got some real doozies when Bill was sick and dying, and from people that I never would have expected it from! What the heck is wrong with people, anyway.

    It's kind of a coinkydink, but you and I must be thinking the same kinds of things lately. I did a post a lot like this one; last week, I think. While writing it, I discovered I am still sensitive, I still get my feelings hurt by some things that people say, and I would still never knowingly do that to someone else, just out of the blue. Another thing I figured out, though, is that I am now more apt to blurt out a comeback when somebody says something dumb and/or hurtful to me. And I'm not sorry about it either. In the past, most of the time I would stand there with my mouth hanging open, speechless that somebody could say something so careless (mean, insensitive, etc.) and not say anything. No more. If somebody is THAT ignorant of tact and diplomacy, then need to be schooled a bit...and I'm just the chick to give it a jump start. Again...not sorry. :)

    Never let 'em get ya down, JJ...or, if they do, tell me and I'll be happy to go harrass them for ya!

    Have a good weekend... :)

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  4. Hi Jojo, I'm not as sensitive to the comments anymore, but I have had my share of hurtful ones about my son Landon when he was born and his disability became obvious. I have now come to realize that people want so badly to say something to comfort us, that they sometimes just comfort us badly.
    It makes me wonder how many times I've done this myself. I sure hope not.

    Has your weather been a little wet too? Oh I am so ready for some sun.
    Big hug from me tonight.

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  5. I haven't been following you for long. I am so sorry that you lost a child. I lost my oldest child not long ago, he was 39. He was a heroin addict and had aids. He was not a good person. He did unspeakable things to his younger half-sister and I have many feelings that I have yet to explore. Having shared all this, I will tell you that holding my son's ashes in my arms before releasing them into the wind was one of the most heart-wrenching things I have ever done. He was my firstborn. He was a tiny baby in my arms at one time and I had all the same dreams for him as any other mother does. His death was untimely because of his age. Doesn't matter that he chose to live a lifestyle that would insure death at a young age. Doesn't matter that he was self-involved and cared little for the pain he caused others. He was my son and I hurt.
    I had the hugest outpouring of empathy from total strangers. Family members....... the people who could hurt me the most, did. Hard to comprehend the cruelty of those who "care" about you.
    Sorry I rambled, I will say a little prayer for you.

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  6. I am sending you a virtual hug, and we have never even met. I can connect with you so often on your posts. I'm glad that there are others who are as sensitive as I am! Don't ever change. You are in my thoughts.

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  8. JoJo I am so sorry that your feeling this way and I am so far from you to be of much help. If you need to talk to someone just call or email me grandmayellowhair@gmail.com
    My heart aches that your hurting.
    Love Maggie

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  9. Words can hurt us more than anything else in our world, and are so much harder to forget, as well. I hope you have enjoyed your weekend, and that painting your kitchen will be good therapy. Things like that are always good for me. Sending hugs and prayers...Joanie

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  10. Ditto--so I think it's best not to say to much when people are hurting accept for that I care. It helps when people are hurting to listen to them--they need to be heard more than they need to hear.

    love you lady. yeah paint--it's great therapy.

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  11. I did not read everyone else's comments. But I am compelled to tell you that sometimes the rest of the world simply does not matter. You must be self consumed. I had a big problem once and nearly had a break down. Till I realized that sometimes it HAS to be about me. That's not to say nothing or no one will ever matter. But sometimes you must matter to the world. It's not selfish if it's reciprocating. Now smile, cause I'm not wearing panites. LOL
    ~Randy

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  12. This post hit home . . .

    Loss of a child . . . I know that one.

    Hurtful words/actions . . . I know that one.

    Aching heart . . . ditto.

    Living, and loving, and losing hurts -- carrying on hurts, too.

    I love the diamonds I have found in bloggerland, but also realize that living every day in my REAL world uncovers diamonds in the rough every single day. It takes time to polish and buff the beauty . . . sometimes the blog offers ready-made (or so it appears). I think it is healthy to live fully and blog when you feel like it.

    I'll keep my eye out for your name to pop up on the reader. It's always a joy to come visit you (even if we simply wipe away the tears together).

    XO ~~ Debbie

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  13. Hey,
    Just wanted to say hello and tell ya, I am thinking about you!! ILY

    God Bless~
    Debbie Jean

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