Heartfelt Friday...

LIFE

isn't about waiting

for the storm to pass,

it's about learning

to dance in the rain.

unknown

day dreaming.....

which way would you go?

The Crazy Lady...

This photo was taken looking outside my kitchen window. Aside from the fact that it was snowy this morning it is now very dreary and raining. There is really nothing remarkable about it Except that we have been completely "socked" in with fog for the past eleven days. Did you hear me...ELEVEN days. It was sooo gloomy and so thick that I couldn't see across the street, or the street for that matter. The air was so thick and heavy with air pollution that we had an air advisory for several days so those with breathing problems (raising hand) were supposed to stay indoors, and slowly lose their minds from cabin fever. Oddly enough that is not the reason for the title of this post.

Yesterday as I was perusing (I love that word) the bloggy world (don't know if I used it correctly) I stopped by Ness's place (does that look right?) If you haven't been there then I implore you to go...I'm just sayin'. Ness asked all of us to chant: snow-snow-snow for her as she would love to play in the snow with her daughter. We all were giving her grief about it since most of the country is s.i.c.k. of snow and personally I was sick of f.o.g. And I told her so, in the comments, that I would ask for snow to come to the crazy lady's house. Well. o.k. then, I got snow here this morning Ness...so who is the crazy lady now???

Ball of confusion...

A few months ago, in a meme, I told of having a brother that's been missing for quite some time. That time would be eight years. He is older than me by seven years and left home when he was nineteen. It seems that none of us siblings, my brother and sister being younger, really had a chance to get to know him. He never married but had a common law wife and lived in the mountains in Arizona. One night, the night after Christmas, eight years ago he left their home and was not seen nor heard from. Being a mountainous area and icy, snowy roads, we all assumed that something horrible had happened but no one could find him, and there was no reason to think he had been in an accident....I felt sad, and scared.

As time passed and my feelings of sadness grew I had other feelings that were taking over. I was angry and confused and needed to know what had happened. I needed to know where he was. I kept thinking that perhaps he was hurt and didn't remember us. Maybe he was dead...I had to know...and so my husband and I made plans to go to New Mexico and look for him. He had a house there years ago that was now empty and we wondered if he was there, if he was in the area. I know we had no real plan but it seemed like we were doing something...I felt scared, and angry...and hopeful.

We didn't get the chance to go as my health deteriorated and traveling was difficult. My younger siblings seemed incredibly withdrawn from the situation having no desire to "search" nor help in any way. Again....I felt angry and confused...I wondered if they would look for me if I disappeared. Sadly, the answer seemed no.

Three years ago he called to wish me a Happy Birthday. No explanation, no apologies, just a "Happy Birthday", an 'I'm o.k." and "good-by." I felt relieved, and sad, and angry again. And I cried like never before.

Our relationship has not always been an easy one. Our age difference has always gotten in the way and I always felt like the "younger sister." I suppose I've always made my sister feel that way in return. ( We are six years apart and my younger brother and I are nine years apart.) My memories of him being in charge of us are not pleasant ones. My parents did not go out often but I can remember having my goldfish thrown down the garbage disposal, having to drink hot sauce, being locked outside in a thunderstorm, and various oddities when he was in charge. He often told me in later years that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. At our Father's funeral he told me he wished I was the one that died...he felt I was more disposable and would be grieved far less. I felt sick...I felt devastated...I felt angry...and I cried and cried. I am crying now in fact.

Just a few days before Christmas he called. Again no explanations for the last eight years, no apology, but a longer conversation. I now know where he is living and what he is doing. I know a little bit about his health, and his girlfriend, and his battles. He wants to come up for a visit, if I can help him. He wants to see the sibs and hang-out and tell stories of when we lived in New York. He's planning to be here in about a month---for a week. I said o.k....I feel sick...I feel angry...I feel relieved...I feel confused...I don't want him to come here...I don't know why I said yes...He said he loved me...

Heartfelt Friday

The best way

to feel happy about

yourself is to do

something worthy of

your own respect.

It's all about me...me...me...me...me....

update:
you make me laugh, you make me cry...yeah mostly cry, but in a good way. Thanks!


...when is it not? I've been missing for a few days, lost in thought, and wondering where I should go from here. I've had a tough time blogging lately and I have considered giving it up and leaving the blogosphere. I mean really...do I contribute at all? That is my dilemma...I'm still not sure where I belong. Looking back on past posts I find that I have not evolved much, or at least as much as I had hoped. I have not grown in the way that makes a difference. That's what I wanted this blog to do...and in my naivete I thought it would. Yeah it's all about me.

What I did find, in the last few days of solitude, is that I don't like being without all of you. You fill an empty place in my life. And even if it is not an in real life relationship it is one that is important to me. I used to think that it didn't matter if anyone read this blog or ever commented but I find myself checking throughout the day to see who stopped by. You are the ones that matter and through our blogging together I have found parts of me that have learned to see my world in a new way.

I am making changes in real life and here. I have so many things I want to blog about and feel that it is time to let go of my gargantuan grip just a little bit and allow myself to be more open. It's a scary step...don't let me fall.

The Time Has Come...

He only used the word 'I' three times in his speech...We will change. God Bless us and protect this Presidency...

Fillers...

Last week President Bush's farewell speech was to be by invitation only. Only problem was the 'invited' didn't show up and they had to use seat-fillers. Seat-fillers are the 'common' folk called to duty to fill the seat of the 'invited' guests. Often they are ushers or concessionaires. In this case they were White house interns. Suffice it to say I will be unable to post for a couple of days and so my usual "seat-filler" will have the duty of filling in for me. So without further adieu I present to you...my buddy...Maxine...(enjoy)...

Heartfelt Friday...

"nothing can be done

without hope."

Helen Keller

Random Tuesday

Things I've learned so far today...

in a pinch you cannot use the telephone as a television remote...no matter how far apart the two are.

you cannot spray expensive perfume on your odorous dog and expect her to smell any different. Even if the perfume and her name are the same. (Amazing Grace).

dishwasher soap does nothing for laundry...do not substitute.

Heartfelt Friday...

I always like to end the week with something uplifting. Something to ease the worries and turmoil of another week...a little something to show gratitude and peace. I'm a little late this week....so, sue me ;) Hope you all had a good weekend. Did you do anything exciting??

Each of us is a Masterpiece

Be Yourself

Aspire

Be

Create

Dream

Update...

the rain has stopped for the moment,
the clouds have parted and behind them I see...
I see more clouds. crap.

It is not raining as hard as yesterday and that has given the local rivers a chance to recede ever so slightly. We have been very fortunate here as there were evacuations to the north and south of us. The road behind our house being the main arterial in and out of several smaller towns. There is some flooding across that road and it reaches our back yard but so far has stopped there. In the front of us, about 1/2 mile away is the Puyallup river and it is behaving only because the Army Corp of Engineers has closed a dam upriver. This is a temporary solution and soon they will have to release some of that water. Doing it in increments will hopefully keep any flooding to a minimum.

My skylights have also stopped leaking for the most part. I feel somewhat silly getting upset about it when there is so much water everywhere else but that's just how it works. It's a distraction from the bigger mess outside. We've got it covered up on the roof and the kitchen is dry again...we'll deal with the repair later.

Thank you all so much for the concern, good thoughts and prayers, and the offers of help. I appreciate every single one of you ;) Take care and be safe---I know there are winter woes all over.

Rain, Rain go away...

...come back another day
little JJ wants to play.
Do you remember that little nursery rhyme? Well I'm singing it now. I'm not so little anymore and I don't want to play. I just want it to stop raining for a few.
Since yesterday we've got 13.5" of the wet stuff. The sweet little summer-time river has turned into a foreboding monster. In the distance I can hear the news helicopters as they follow the "top story" for the evening. In my yard all the leaves that didn't get raked up before the snow a few weeks ago have turned into a sloppy, slippery mess. Part of my driveway is underwater as the river creeps closer and closer. And in my kitchen...can you guess? In my kitchen the skylights are leaking. ACK!!

Resolution Number One...

subliminal advertising

I came across this earlier and immediately thought of Mental P. Mama...what do you think this means? Have I been brainwashed?

2009...bring it ON

dance as if no one were watching

sing as if no one were listening

and live every day as if it were your last.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Blessings to you all of good health,

joy and happiness.