"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Waiting and Wandering...

...for me waiting invariably leads to wandering, of my mind at least.  I had a follow-up visit with my doc today, the first one after my surgery.  My foot looks excellent except for the missing toe-nail which is just too gross for me to even think about.  (it will be over a year before it grows back!)  It was, quite oddly reminiscent, seeing the pins and screws holding things together but I think I did pretty well.  I will go back next week to have stitches removed and then we'll see after that.  So, here I am, 'grounded' again, and thinking of all the years I have spent waiting.  It's no wonder a mind gets to wandering.

I remember being on bed rest for three weeks, in the hospital, while I was expecting our daughter.  It was a tough time as I had a two year old at home and those were the days of no-visitors-under-eighteen.  I waited and waited and she came five weeks early despite my best efforts.  She had plans, big ones, and they did not include incubating for nine months.  I like to think I gave her a running start with those three weeks.

I remember waiting for months and months, being on bed rest or in a wheelchair, no weight bearing in a house full of stairs, hoping the reconstructive surgery on my foot would work.  I remember how lonely it was and I kept wondering "where is everyone?"  Where was all the support, love, compassion and companionship that you expect when you go through something like this.  My husband, my children...the only ones holding me up, literally and emotionally.  It was a tough time and it didn't work.  I lost my foot and learned to walk again, with only them by my side.

There...I wandered and forgot my point!

A few weeks ago, in a Tuesday tid post, I mentioned a fellow blogger who had been selling some quilted bags for a fund-raiser.  I sent the money, believing in the friendship we had forged through our blogs, but never received the bag.  I was upset, hurt more than anything, so I mentioned it.  I felt better afterward and told myself that the money was not the important issue, obviously she needed something from me and I would have given it to her, even without the promise of something in return.  I didn't leave her name or her blog-name as I was embarrassed for myself and for her.

Yesterday her world collided with the Karma world and it was an ugly thing to watch.  Apparently I was not the only one who was so kind-hearted and generous.  She has been outed and unfortunately pays the price of her misdeeds.  Not only has she ruined her bloggy friendships but many of those in her real life too.  They and we have all lost our trust in someone we cared for. I am beyond understanding why anyone would do this.  Attention?  I mean really?  what does she gain from this game?

So, I sit here for the next few weeks wondering, while my mind wanders and the memories of waiting absorb me...

image via weheartit

wanting, waiting, hoping,
mama pajama


  1. my son had broken his big toe when he was 13 ish... the nail split long ways and was a real pain so the podiatrist removed the nail and nail bed... you talk abotu something that abotu mad eme ill ... it takes alot to make me ill... but I watched ... sort of as he removed it... and I hurt NOW YEARS later thinking about it...
    I dont want to ask but morbid curiosity requires that i do but the person outted... is on the east coast right?
    I was so saddened with things i have been reading the last few days and now sadder that more have been treated in such a fashion...

  2. oh sorry mind wandered... my toe nail point was his nail will never come back... and his toe is now quite an object of facination :)

  3. Hi Jojo, I love this. I love learning more about you and your heart. I am sorry for the lack of support that you had a what had to be the hardest time of your life. I know that these things give us experience, but dang, does it have to hurt so bad? Thank you for your beautiful post...I learned about your compassion for others today, in your thoughts on being taken advantage of by a friend. You have inspired me today girl.

  4. bummer about the blogger, most of us are genuine I think, and really I'll have to leave it that way. I love my bloggy buddies....you do too, and you are one that I love!

    You know the tough thing about anything chronic is that people do have a hard time being supportive. Everybody is good for a flash in the pan and some big deal like a death in the family. It's the day in day out struggle with long term troubles where the rubber really hits the road and unfortunately so do most helpers... I think it is because people have a lot to do in their lives and most can't comprehend what it's like to have problems that don't go away.
    God does send us gifts though, when we are hurting,unexpected beautiful little moments of encouragement if we just look.

    e mail me your address please.

  5. How sad for someone to take your money and not provide the very service you paid for!! I for one, would out her this way no one else is taken advantage of. Sick.

    I hope you feel better friend. I hate bed rest. It and Me do not sit quietly together, ever. I simply can't sit still for long. Always sewing, cleaning, tending, playing with the critters... something. I don't like lazy and lazy hates me. Mend quickly.


  6. Hang in there my friend.

    Btw, your "URGE TO PURGE WITH HALLIE" is the best damn idea I have ever heard!! I LOVE IT!!

    I SOOOOO want to do it now!!

    Might have to find a way to incorporate that into my blog cuz I love it that much!!!

    Hallie :)

  7. Sending you supportive hugs and the hope that karma keeps kicking her tush, which BTW is HUGE (I am going to burn in hell anyway) ..

  8. BTW, my sister has type 1 diabetes so if you ever need a shoulder or an ear .. not literally of course .. but I am a mere email away.

  9. Your attitude is one that I would like to foster in myself. Hugs to you...

  10. JoJo-I too have been hurt by this person. But we pray and move on. You are an inspiration my dear.
    Send me your address....I have a pocketbook for you!

  11. Haven't been personally hurt by any blogger ~buddy~, but consider Ms D a very good friend and know she has been. That makes it hard for me to not pass judgment - especially when I find out there are all these other folks involved - including you and a bunch I know and call friends and of whom are ALL Ms. D.'s friends, and who have had the very same experience.
    It's disheartening.

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