"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string." Lucy Maud Montgomery
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Waiting and Wandering...
...for me waiting invariably leads to wandering, of my mind at least. I had a follow-up visit with my doc today, the first one after my surgery. My foot looks excellent except for the missing toe-nail which is just too gross for me to even think about. (it will be over a year before it grows back!) It was, quite oddly reminiscent, seeing the pins and screws holding things together but I think I did pretty well. I will go back next week to have stitches removed and then we'll see after that. So, here I am, 'grounded' again, and thinking of all the years I have spent waiting. It's no wonder a mind gets to wandering.
I remember being on bed rest for three weeks, in the hospital, while I was expecting our daughter. It was a tough time as I had a two year old at home and those were the days of no-visitors-under-eighteen. I waited and waited and she came five weeks early despite my best efforts. She had plans, big ones, and they did not include incubating for nine months. I like to think I gave her a running start with those three weeks.
I remember waiting for months and months, being on bed rest or in a wheelchair, no weight bearing in a house full of stairs, hoping the reconstructive surgery on my foot would work. I remember how lonely it was and I kept wondering "where is everyone?" Where was all the support, love, compassion and companionship that you expect when you go through something like this. My husband, my children...the only ones holding me up, literally and emotionally. It was a tough time and it didn't work. I lost my foot and learned to walk again, with only them by my side.
There...I wandered and forgot my point!
A few weeks ago, in a Tuesday tid post, I mentioned a fellow blogger who had been selling some quilted bags for a fund-raiser. I sent the money, believing in the friendship we had forged through our blogs, but never received the bag. I was upset, hurt more than anything, so I mentioned it. I felt better afterward and told myself that the money was not the important issue, obviously she needed something from me and I would have given it to her, even without the promise of something in return. I didn't leave her name or her blog-name as I was embarrassed for myself and for her.
Yesterday her world collided with the Karma world and it was an ugly thing to watch. Apparently I was not the only one who was so kind-hearted and generous. She has been outed and unfortunately pays the price of her misdeeds. Not only has she ruined her bloggy friendships but many of those in her real life too. They and we have all lost our trust in someone we cared for. I am beyond understanding why anyone would do this. Attention? I mean really? what does she gain from this game?
So, I sit here for the next few weeks wondering, while my mind wanders and the memories of waiting absorb me...