"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mama Pajama and other tid-bits...

..."mama pajama rolled out of bed and ran to the police station," Paul Simon I love you but this song has been running around my head for several days and it must stop...now...please.

*in the past, every time I thought about walking away from the blog, I would suddenly have all kinds of blog fodder, all bloggity-bloggity-blog, bippity-bobbity-boo. This time? nothing.

*I have been wrestling much with the big D lately. Depression. Not the economic depression, although I have many ideas on the subject I fear no one is listening. Depression. The one that affects your thoughts and feelings and turns the sunny skies gray.

*I want to go back and do things right. I want to re-live every precious moment of my children's lives. (truly the best days of my life) I want to hold hands with my husband and walk along the beach. I want to stop feeling so bad. I want to stop feeling so guilty for being sick. I want my extended family back...

See, I'm just not any fun to be around right now and I really don't know what on earth to do about it.

17 comments:

  1. I think we all want to go back and do things again, especially with our kids. I told my sister yesterday that I want to go back and start over with my kids, but with the knowledge that I have today. Guess what, we can only do today what we have the knowledge we have.

    I'm very thankful that I have good relationships with our kids, because I know so many that don't. I think it is because parents want to be 'friends' with their kids, and not 'the parent' because of the tough decisions. IMHO, if you are the parent when the kids need the parent to lead the child, THEN, you can be the friend of the adult child.

    I hope and pray that you will get some relief from your depression. Our Lord is able to lift the burden.

    Even if your posts aren't all 'fun and games' you are important to us, and we'll love you, 'warts and all!'

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  2. We can't go back. You can't drive a car looking in the rear view mirror. Don't let the devil steal your days or your joys.

    When I feel that bad, I take Prozac and count my blessings. Sometimes I have to start really basic like, thank you God for fingers and toes.

    It also helps me to fill my mind with something good. It's a battle and the only way to win it is to fight back.

    Keep talking we are here.

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  3. Consider yourself hugged from a probably crazy wiener woman in Maine.

    Not sure what to say to make you feel better but just know we're all hear for you.

    Hallie

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  4. This too shall pass... it happens to us all, caught up in the reflection pool of life. Big {hugs} it will pass soon and you will be back to your jolly self :-))

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  5. Sending (((hugs))) JoJo. What you need is a Blogfest weekend! Next year for sure! What does your Dr say about the big D?

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  6. Hi Jojo, Linda nailed this one when she said we can't go back. We do have today to start fresh. I battled depression for years after my son was born with his many disabilities, but I got help and living a great life. You can imagine all the do-overs I would love to have in raising my six children. I just say I'm sorry a lot and take ownership for the mistakes I made and they have always been willing to forgive.
    A big hug,
    June

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  7. Oh JoJo, depression does this to you and I understand. You can't go back and do for your kids so go forward, send them an unexpected card that simple say, "i love you".

    I like that saying the "reflection pool". But remember, even a pool has ripples my friend. Then it too waits for the calm.

    My son battles severe depression brought on by his autism. We work very hard to redivert his thinking to bring him out of it. It doesn't always work. Sometimes, He JUST HAS TO FEEL IT. Period. Then we pray for his speedy recovery.

    You are very brave talking about this and I for one give you major hugs and koodo's. So many want to silence people for what they feel. How rude and selfish of them. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. I get it, I truly do.

    Just use your blog to vent what your feeling and to heck with inhabitions.

    Love and hugs!!

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  8. I to, suffer with depression. I take medication for it. I will have to email you sometime as to why I suffer from it. It's not a pretty story. Please know I am here and will email you soon, hopefully today to answer your email. I love ya!!

    God Bless~
    Debbie Jean

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. I want you to know - if it helps at all - that you are loved and appreciated here by your bloggy family.

    I think you are brave to talk about it - I have always kept the scary feelings to myself, and I don't think it's that healthy. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

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  10. Attack it. Attack it with everything that you can dig out that makes you smile, makes you laugh, even if you cry afterward. Pretty soon you'll be laughing through the tears. And another thing is that I think you are awesome to be talking about it. That's one of the things about depression that is most insidious in our society. People who have to deal with it, and I think we all have to at one time or another, think it is shameful and feel like no one will love them if they "know". I'm here to tell you that you are loved.

    My family and some of my friends, I found out much later, when I went through my hardest times in my life just didn't know what to do to help me. And it would have been great for me to have just known and realized that they were there and that they knew I was in a bad way but they were there for me if I needed them. I'm telling you there are many of us here for you.

    Go ahead... send me an e-mail with someone else's name on it... I don't care... if it allows you to say I'm lousy today and be okay with that you can even call me George or Henrietta or hey you...

    Helen

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  11. Oh I hear ya. I would love, love, love to go back. Back to those happy, child-rearing days, when I was busy and happy. Life was fun. I did not give my body a thought. Always had energy. Always slept like a rock. I would also love to walk on the beach with my dear hubby.

    But - we need to look forward. Not back. I find looking back sometimes makes me depressed. Not the memories, but the longing. So, I vow to look ahead and imagine all the wonderful things waiting down the road for me.
    You can beat this.
    Oh, and I've found my most healing, profound posts are about feeling depressed, sad, or frustrated. And my blogging sisters are sooooooo supportive.
    Hugs

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  12. I will be your friend thru thick and thin, happiness or depression Jojo. I love ya, and you are stuck with me!!!

    God Bless~
    Debbie Jean

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  13. I agree with Linda.. we all want to go back and do things over.. but trudge forward is what we do..

    cheers

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  14. I come to see you, not a fairytale version. Your open honest heart has spilled upon these pages from the beginning. Let it continue to flow . . .

    There is no perfection this side of heaven. There is no perfect step to take next. There is only life to breathe in and out -- when you exhale let the corners of your mouth take flight. Breathe in again -- Feel the freshness of the life filling your lungs . . . lungs created by God and filled with God-given air.

    I have battled the blues and lived to see pinkly. Life hurls hurts amongst the joy. Don't duck too often or you'll surely miss the opportunity to seize a moment's joy as it whizzes past, never to return again. Like a comet, life hurls through time shedding sparks. Some sputter and die, others catch fire and send out a shower of beauty, some just burn a hole in a moment -- still the comet journeys forward . . . no reverse option.

    Dear sweet Jo Jo . . . you are loved. Do not fade away. Wouldn't it have been nice if Job's friends had merely grabbed a hanky and sat down for a good cry? I've got my hanky (and my pants rolled up) . . . let 'er go.

    Much Love,
    Debbie

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  15. I have been there Joanne.

    It will get better.

    And I love you!

    Kelee

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  16. Well! I absolutely cannot believe that I did not throw in my two-cents' worth here yet. I know I meant to but, on top of everything else, my memory sucks too!

    From what I've read of the other comments, I probably don't have anything to add; everybody pretty much knows what they're talking about, in my opinion. BUT...it never hurts to hear one more person say that they understand where you're coming from. So, I guess that is my function.

    I struggle everyday, JJ...and that is WITH Zoloft! Don't ever feel bad for what YOU FEEL. It just is what it is and you deal with it the best you can and move on and know there ARE better days ahead. Or maybe just muddle through minute-by-minute! :)

    That's all I got. No magic words, but I sure wish I did. BUT...like the other commenters, I am here. And if and when you feel like writing, I'll read. And if by chance you feel like trying to resend the mushy, gushy e-mail, the e-mail is kdanielson@earthlink.net, in case the e-mail address you used was off somehow. I LOVE ME A GOOD MUSHY, GUSHY E-MAIL!!! :)

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comments, comments, comments! If you've got 'em share 'em. If you are a no comment blogger I will try to answer back on this post. If you are...expect a personal reply from me! Cheers, and please mind those manners.

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