"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A different kind of Friday...

This evening my brother flies into town for an eight day visit. We will pick him up at the airport and he will be staying with us. This is the brother that disappeared several years ago. He walked out of his house the day after Christmas, leaving his wife, his home, his life, and was not heard from again until last summer when he got in touch with me. We were unsure if he was hurt or perhaps even dead. He called with nary a word as to where he had been or why.

I bought his plane ticket and sent it to him.

The last time all of us were together was to attend our father's funeral and divide the estate. Hateful words were slung, things I could have never imagined, from the mouths of my siblings. Painful words that I tried to excuse in the name of grief, but I know better. You don't say things like that if you don't mean them.

I need to find peace with this.

We are hoping to have a little family reunion, the sibs and I, as we are older now and should realize that time is fleeting. It draws near for all of us. I am hoping to see my sister again. I haven't seen her for five years. I had words of anger with her husband at which my sister was not present. Three days later I had a heart attack. I blame him for the hateful, disgusting, demeaning words he used against me and my family. I will never forgive him. After my heart attack my sister visited me in the hospital once. She walked out of the room and never came back, never called. Sisters shouldn't be this way. There are so many things we have missed together. So many things we should have shared. Sisters should be friends.

Graduations, weddings, birthdays, Christmas, holidays and a new baby niece.

My younger brother and I still keep in touch. We have always been close as that is possible since we are almost ten years apart. I guess I do feel mothering to him in many ways and he makes his displeasure known. We have remained friends but time, work, and family take their toll on other relationships and we do not spend as much time with each other as I wish we would.

We all need to find healing and peace with each other and our lives. I'll be honest...I'm terrified. I've spent many hours wondering what to expect and telling myself that I have to remain distant from all the drama that family get-togethers can bring. My health won't tolerate it and my spirit is too fragile to try. I so badly want this week to be filled with love, joy, and happiness as we look through boxes and boxes of old family photos. I want to hear laughter and stories of when we were kids. I want to know all the things I've missed in the last five years and rejoice in the goodness that I pray we still carry in our hearts.

life is short,
break all the rules.
forgive quickly,
kiss s-l-o-w-l-y
love truly.
laugh uncontrollably,
and never, ever regret anything
that makes you smile.

17 comments:

  1. Good luck and make sure to manage your expectations....you are all humans after all. And there sounds like a lot of baggage. I'll be sending you good thoughts!

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  2. JoJo- your family sounds a lot like mine. I have had to let things go with some of my siblings because I cannot change how they choose to live. Nor can I worry about it any longer. I keep on loving them and praying for them. You have to take of yourself. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that all things good will become of this. Take some pictures too!

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  3. I hope it goes well, you will be in my prayers. Just love each other and accept the differences as they are, knowing they may not change. Good luck!

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  4. Oh JoJO, I hope everything does go as you hope. I had a huge fight with my cousin about 4 yrs back, and I am just starting to talk to her again. It hurts, she has never apologized , but then again I haven't really gotten face to face with her and not sure how it would go when I did. She has called a few times though.
    Will be praying this upcoming week holds all that you hope for.
    /hugs jojo

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  5. I'm glad you have a grip on your feelings/expectations. Don't let them push your buttons. I will keep you especially in my prayers for peace throughout the week and perhaps that eyes and hearts of your sibs will be opened because as those of us know that have been on the short end of the health stick, tomorrow is promised to no one so I hope they make this week count.

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  6. Life is short. I have a very good relationship with my brother. We are the only ones left so all we have is each other. That is besides my husband and daughter and all our Australian Relatives. Hope you have a great time.

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  7. I hope your visit goes well. Time can heal wounds, just take it slowly.

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  8. Jojo,

    I am not at all close to my sister. She has many problems and blames everyone else when many of them are her own doing. She is addicted to prescription meds and her doctor feeds her habit. I talk to her a few times a year and that's it. We see each other at Christmas at a coffee shop.

    I will keep you and your siblings in my prayers. I hope that only words of love, joy and happiness are spoken at your reunion.

    Do take a couple of minutes to drop by and see my latest swan photos. There are a couple of good shots. I'm sure you'll enjoy them.

    Blessings,
    Mary

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  9. I have always said to myself that we have no choice in who God gives us as a family but we CAN chose our friends. The thought has given me great comfort through the years. My best friend and I used to laugh during the Christmas season saying "it takes weeks to get ready for Christmas and months to get over being with the family!"

    Wishing you all the best with your visit.

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  10. Oh, WOW... best of luck to you. I hope as you say, everyone is a bit wiser now and realizes that you only have so long to make peace with each other. Best wishes...

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  11. I truely hope this get together goes well for you:) You are in my thoughts...

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  12. Thinking good thoughts for you over the next few days. I hope this little reunion ties your family together as it once was.

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  13. Expect little, be thankful for any and pray for the best. We'll all be here for you, JoJo.

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  14. wow ouch. For your sake you must forgive. It's an action, a choice, a decision of the will; not a feeling. First you do it, later you feel it.

    It may be helpful to set some boundaries that the old battles be left out of this visit, I don't know. We best be praying!

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  15. I have no advice, but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and wondering how things are going. I am praying that you can reconnect and share some happy memories without toxic words being spoken. Sending positive energy!

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  16. Hey, JoJo,
    I ran across your blog today. You had commented on a couple that I read, so I thought I'd visit.

    You have had an 'interesting' life. I know what you mean about family dynamics. I can identify with you.

    I hope your visit with the siblings will go well.

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  17. Hope your visit goes well. Best of wishes

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