"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Where is the Love?

part two Nephew's wedding:

On to the reception...last weekend there was a Wedding Reception held here for all of those who were unable to attend the Vegas wedding. I got the invitation about two weeks ago and found the reception was being held at a relative of Brad's, someone not related to me but very close to my sister.

Now, this might be a good time to say that my sister and I have not always been the best of friends, but I thought as of late that we had been working things out and had begun to forge a friendship. She and her family recently attended my daughters wedding reception so I had hope that things were headed in the right direction.

Me being me, I immediately shot an e-mail over to my sister asking her if I would be able to get into Susie's house with my wheelchair. I thought once I got in there I could just "park" and enjoy the festivities and visit with my sister and her family including my nephew and his new bride. Several days later she sent back a reply..."I don't know." I don't know? I don't know??? Could you be any less cold in your remark...I mean c'mon am I just supposed to sit out in the driveway? I was rather hurt by all of this as I felt that if they all wanted me there they would have said, "Just come out here and we'll find a way to get you in the house, don't worry about it, just please come and help us celebrate." I was so not expecting "I don't know." Now I know I could have e-mailed Susie and asked her directly but I barely know her so I went through my sis. Anyway, I was hurt, and once again sent my regrets to the bride and groom.

If I had not had this back/nerve misery I would have gone. I would have been at the shower, the wedding and the reception with glee. If once, just once during all of this, my sister had asked me how I was doing or even inquired as to what the problem with my leg was...I would have gone to the shower and reception. But I felt like it just didn't matter, and I have been in so much pain that I just had nothing left to give. What do you think...did I do the right thing?


  1. Jojo, You could look at it that way, or maybe, because still to this day some people are freaked out by wheelchairs, and just 'don't know' what to do with faced with the possibility of having to navigate one...
    Sorry you are missing all the festivities though. Hope they at least send you some pictures!

  2. you are much kinder then me...I would have fired back an email with a few choice words... I have come to the conclusion that so called close knit families are few and far between and they have no clue how lucky they are... I dont have one, my dear hubby sure does not have one even though they claim to be (huge joke around here) and my son has figured out yesterday that Stephanie sure does not have one... its sad.

    I'll make you a deal if you ever head east you are welcome here and if we need to we will just drive you around to the back yard and right up to the back porch so you dont have to worry about stairs. thats what we did one time for me after surgery ... stairs were just to much so mike drove through the yard to get me close to the patio and flat ground to get inside :)

    hugsssssss Laura

  3. JoJo - it is painful to feel left out. But i'll share a little secret with you. The less expectations you have of others, that happier you will be.

    Think about it. You expected a nicer email back from your sister, and when you didn't get it you fell hurt. If you had no expectations, and I know this is hard not to have any from what we call family, you would not have felt like they didn't want you at the reception/shower.

    I know what it feels like to be disowned by family. But I never had any expectations and accepted what is. As a result I'm not hurt nor angry.

  4. JoJo-
    I can tell you are really hurt by all of the wedding issues with your nephew-yes I think you have a right to be but obviously they are not worth the worry. Your sister seems unable to put more than 2 words together too? That's all she said was I don't know? She is the one with the problem-do not feel bad for asking for help.
    I hope today is a better day.
    Tracy :)

  5. This is amazing: I think we have the same sister! Does that mean that we are related now??

  6. Wow, I am so sorry, Jojo, but your family sounds a lot like mine. I have one of those sisters too. We actually don't speak at all. When she opens her mouth it is always negetive, so I choose to just let her live in her own pathetic world.

    Seems that people think those of us who are disabled have no feelings or we are stupid or something. Drives me nuts!! I am still Debbie, I just can't walk very well anymore and need assistance at times, but I can still feel, hear and see!! I am sorry that your family treated you that way. You do not deserve that treatment. Just shake it off and go on and live your life. I love you!! We can be sisters!!

    God Bless~

  7. jojo...I am sorry to hear of your pain. Sadly, we are unable to choose our families, but life goes on.
    Stay strong!
    Pray hard!

    ~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

  8. Well. You can just about imagine what I have to say about all of this. First of all, it is my opinion that you have every right in the world to feel hurt, upset, angry and any other thing you feel. When health issues/deaths/that type of thing happen, that's when you really find out who you can count on. And it seems to me like it's very rarely the ones you think you SHOULD be able to count on. People will continually surprise you, both good and bad.

    As for that lowered expectation thing; yes, that is a way of looking at it. Like, don't ever expect anything from anybody and you will never be disappointed and every little thing you do get will seem like a bonus. But it's also a little sad and a lot like a defense mechanism to keep yourself from having feelings that are valid feelings for you to have. Besides, when did common courtesy become too much of an expectation? Aye-yi-yi, the world's in worse shape than I thought if that's the case!

    In a way I think it would be interesting for you to come right out and tell your sister what you said in your post. I mean, really, what's the worst that could happen--she'll get mad and not speak to you? That doesn't seem to be too different from what you get from her now. I think it seems pretty apparent she's got some sort of problem with you, so maybe you just wanna scrape off your shoe and move on where she's concerned. There are some people that are just too draining to have "around", ya know? Could be she's one of them.

    My stepdaughter was having a little trouble many years ago with a family member of hers that wasn't as "giving" as Tracy would have liked her to be. At that time, I told her that since that was the way it had always been with that person and it wasn't very likely that it would ever change, maybe she was going to have to concentrate on the people that WERE there for her in her life, rather than wasting her time and energy thinking about the one who was NOT there for her. Know what I mean?

    If somebody *cough**your sister**cough* is rude and uncaring and self-absorbed, that is about her, not you. It's a little bit hard to remember that, but at least now you know. And it is her loss!!!

    Some people. Just can't believe them. Never will understand them.


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