"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I have a tale to tell...

sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
to blind to see the writing on the wall
A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope to live to tell
tell the secrets I have learned till then
It will burn inside of me...
I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warmth she gives
the light that you could never see
it shines inside, you can't take that from me....."

This Madonna song "Live to tell," was playing on the radio as I returned home from a doctors' appointment today. The second round of epidural pain injections for my back/leg. As I was laying on the o.r. table being prepped I heard the doctor say to the nurse that he had doubts that these injections are going to be beneficial in my case. IN MY CASE, what does that mean?? Anyway, I hate to admit it, truly it is difficult for me, (and I do know why Bruno!!) to pull up the shades and let people know that I am really struggling with all of this. I know I will adapt in time, but I am having trouble getting there, this time. I feel like I have been a pretty good sport about this ravaging mess that diabetes is. Take, take, take. And I ALWAYS put on the happy face, the it's o.k. face, the don't worry about me face, etc. But inside...now that's a different story. I have deep secrets (don't we all) and dark days (don't we all) and occasionally they get the better of me. I really don't know what to do this time. How do you deal with your "dark" days? What do you do to feel better about the situation? Do you eat...I do. Do you sleep...I do. Do you go out and buy yourself something "you deserve"...I've done that too. But how do you to turn it all around and not get yourself pulled down deeper?

7 comments:

  1. Diabetes Takes Jojo and never Gives. On my darkest days I have to rely on my maker,God. I think, well he has given me this day for my darkness and I have to be thankful for that and that and I am still alive. I know where you are and it hurts and is hard. Please know I am as close as a email. Don't give up, I need you!!! Thanks for the kind words on my blog, and yes, I will take some of your fall weather!!!

    God Bless~
    Debbie

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  2. i have a daily devotion that I will email you... and yeah I sleep or eat or shut down when I can take no more... but the secret to that is it has a time limit... usually no more than a few days then I make myself get back up again.
    hugs and prayers
    Laura

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  3. I get amazed how sneaky those dark days are. They just show up out of nowhere. I KNOW I should get out on those days and I should make contact with people and I should focus on how much Christ loves me. But usually before I do any of that, I eateateat and curl up in bed feeling very sorry for myself.

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  4. JJ, I'm so sorry for your dark days; all I can say is, I know they are hard to deal with. I have lots and lots of extra weight that tells that particular weight. And naps, too! Sometimes you've just got to give in to it, and then move on from it. But we're all different in the way we handle things. Constant pain and poor health, I think, are incredibly hard because they're just always there. Just don't be hard on yourself, no matter what.

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  5. Seeing my sister going through the same sort of thing right now, I've been hearing a lot of what you're saying here. And there's not a damn thing anyone can say.

    Prayers. Damn, that list is getting long!

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  6. I'm not going to disagree with you jojo- it is tough, it's hard, and painful. You can't reverse any of it, nobody can, it is what it is. All that you could do is embrace it. You have to find away to make peace with it, accept it, because by fighting what you can't fight will only make it worse. You are not making it better by eating and sleeping more, that will only make the diabetes worse. Love yourself.. only you could prevent it from getting worse.

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  7. There are those days. JoJo, when all I can do is go back to bed and cuddle with my furry babies. Those are the physically hurtin' days. On the mind hurtin' days I usually go outside and sit on my butt in the flower bed and dig up grass and pull weeds. Sometimes I just have to get down and dirty. Then when I glance around and see a new blossom I think how awesome it is to be able to witness the incredibility of living things despite the adversities... then is when I have to stop and just say "Thank you" for all I've been given. That, to me, is how I deal... thankful for this wonderful world and, I guess, trying to ignore those things I can't control...

    Thank you, JoJo, for being you!

    Helen

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