"the nicest and the sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple pleasure, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Friday, August 1, 2008

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes


Remember the Achilles tendinitis that was treated with cortisone, that became the probable Herniated Disc, that was treated with physical therapy, and the never-ending ankle/leg/back pain? Well, after another MRI today it has now been diagnosed as Degenerative Disc Disease (DDD). There is no disc space between the l5-S1 in my lower back. No space, none, zero, nada, zip. That means there is a lot of bone on bone action taking place in my lower back causing radiating pain down my left leg into my foot. It was rather disheartening, to say the least, to hear the doctor say, " It will not get better." "It will get worse." "The only treatment is to try and control the pain so that you can participate in life with limited quality." And with that I am off to the pain clinic to learn how to deal with constant pain.

To tell you the truth I'm having a rather difficult time wrapping my head around this new diagnosis. I know it's not horrific and that I will survive. I just had not expected to become so limited at this point of my life. I keep thinking about the day that I might have grandchildren and wonder if I will be able to enjoy them~~you know~~not being able to pick them up, etc. I keep thinking that I don't want to become a burden to my family. I don't want them to have to drag me around everywhere with a wheelchair. I worked so hard after my amputation to walk again and it's being taken away from me and I don't like it at all. It's going to take me awhile to find my perspective.

If this is Karma then I think the Universe owes me a giant explanation.

6 comments:

  1. Bless your heart. Life just seems to be a big long line of setbacks lately for both of us. Think about using a TENS unit for the DDD pain. Remember grandchildren can crawl up into your lap and you can have just as much fun. Feel your feelings of being screwed over once again and you will find a way to own this new diagnosis and make it work for you. I hate when people tell me, "Well, it could be worse." At the moment, what is happening is your own best personal worst and you should be allowed to feel your feelings. I hope you have a great weekend doing whatever you choose to do.

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  2. Hey, JJ. Damn, girl. You just can't get a break at all; I do not believe this crap. I just want to tell you right here and right now, on your blog, you don't ever have to say things like "it could be worse." Because, this is what is happening to YOU and you have every right to feel bad about it. Sometimes that's what we need to do before we can move on and do what we need to do. In fact, everything Ness said? Me, too! Especially about your future grandchildren. They will know how much you love them and will do what they need to do to love on you! Kids are good like that :)! I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better...but just know I am, along with your other friends, here for ya.

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  3. yeah what kim and ness said.... me thinks we need to set you up on the spoons (check nesses side bar for the details) and I will work on starting you out :) arent surprises fun? love ya hugs and prayers! Laura

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  4. I got that dx of DDD a few years back, so I know how you feel. The doc says it happens as we get older, well, crap, I don't want to get older! You and I sound like twins separated at birth. When were you born? LOL. I was 8-20-55. I have grandchildren Jojo and yes you can still enjoy them. No, I can't walk around with them in my arms, but sit and hold them. You know maybe it can be worse, but this feels bad right now, so it's ok to feel it and express the feelings. I am here for you as I know you are for me. Enjoy your weekend.

    God Bless~
    Debbie

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  5. You will always be able to enjoy your grandkids. Its about the moments. You can't change certain things in life - find your way and life and all it's beauty will still be there for you - just a new way to appreciate it.

    My thoughts are with you

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  6. I love the spoons... it has helped me a bunch in explaining what I can and cannot do at this point in my life. You have been working so hard to get where you could ambulate and now the dread DDD jumps up and smacks you upside the head. Life just is not fair sometimes, but you know you have all these crazy blog folk that you can scream, bitch, yell at and cry in front of and I bet a dollar to a donut that all of them will be right there with you helping you to scream, bitch and cry and then you will get to laughing at the absurdities and the unfairness we all have to deal with in various ways.

    I've not met a blogger yet that could not turn crappy things in our lives around and look for the silver lining, and find it. We are all such positive people despite our peculiarities...

    Hang in there... we've got your back... (some of us literally)

    Helen G.

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