Monday, June 9, 2008
How I Met My Blog
I was thinking today about my blog and how I got to this place. Trying to remember back to the non-blog days when I was filled with angst and had no one to complain to except my husband. (He applauds the blog.)
About five years ago a friend of mine introduced me to the world of Caringbridge. It was her lifeline when her son was ill and unfortunately when he died it became her place to grieve. Following her site immersed me in the world of pediatric cancer and I became involved, maybe over involved, in many patient/family websites. I cheered with them, prayed with them, laughed with them and sometimes grieved with them. I am drawn to Caringbridge for so many reasons, but I think back to how much it would have helped me when I lost my baby boy. That was so long ago, the Internet was not yet a reality, and grieving was a very lonely, isolated thing. In many ways it still is but having an outlet may have saved me from myself. From there I became involved with The Tumbleweed Foundation and a whole new world of pediatric illnesses opened up to me...
Moving on...one of the "kids" I followed was Kendrie, her mom Kristie started her own blog after Kendrie's successful treatment for leukemia, and I have followed her for years. (Not Quite What I Had Planned,) (I don't know how to link) Then you click on other blogs and so on and so on and before you know it you are sucked into the world of blogging. I thought about my own blog for quite awhile, wondering what I would even blog about, wondering how to start, just plain wondering if anyone would care. Then I decided it didn't matter if anyone else cared, this was for me. Something for me. Well that was new, I can't remember ever doing something for myself. I always put myself at the bottom of the list of things to take care of. But the time seemed right and I decided to dive in. I thought "this is mine. I don't have to be something/someone I'm not. I can say what I want, about whatever/ whoever and if no one ever reads it that's o.k. And if someone reads it that's o.k. too, because I'm not going to make excuses for how I feel anymore. But what if someone comments??" That scared the hell out of me. I don't like being judged, I don't like feeling like "less," I don't like feeling lonely. ( a very real recurring theme in my life). I don't like being vulnerable.
It took me a long time to find my "voice" and I'm still working on just how much I want to reveal about the real me. But this has been absolutely one of the best places for me to be. It's freeing to put it out there, it's interesting to think someone else might see it, it's AMAZING to get such loving and supportive comments.
I don't know where this blog will lead me...it has become my therapy...and I have become a much better person by clicking on the links you all provide on your blogs! The world is so much bigger, and smaller, than I ever realized. And now I know I'm not alone. Thanks for filling such a huge empty space in my life!