Twelve years ago today my mom was released from the hell that had become the last three weeks of her life. "she's gone to meet her maker, back to where she came from, gone to save her soul." (Annie Lennox). At the time I wondered how I would make it through a day without her, how I've managed twelve years is an even bigger mystery to me. I can remember having to put a note by my phone to remind me I couldn't call her anymore. I still have the note.
My mom was a complicated woman, very smart, brilliant really. She grew up in a time when girls weren't "allowed" to be smart. I think she sometimes felt that she had settled when she married and had children. She loved us none the less though and her family and most especially her grandchildren were her life, her joy, her reason for being. She was a fiery red-head with a quick temper. I have her red hair....AND her temper. I have her hands, and her eyes. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see her eyes looking back at me. She had lovely skin (she would not agree with me on that point) and always smelled as though she had just stepped out of the shower. No matter the time, day or night, she always smelled like that. She used Oil of Olay and to this day I use it and think of her. She wore White Shoulders on special occasions and I have the small container she carried in her purse. Sometimes I open it and let the tears flow. She was funny, Oh God, she was funny. She was generous and kind and had great faith in her Lord. (I'm remembering only the good stuff here!) She was never happier as she was around her grand-children. She loved to sugar them up and send them home, it was our payback she would say. She sent them cards, and wrote them poems, made treasure maps at Easter. Colored eggs with them, danced with them, colored with them, took them on vacations, and taught them how to play poker. Yep, one day I came over and she was teaching them how to play poker! They loved it! She loved card games, puzzles, and nickel slots. Every year, on Easter, she would give my sister and I Lilys and chocolate. I haven't had Lilys and chocolate for a v.e.r.y. long time. Any day of the week was a good reason to "celebrate" and have us all over for a BBQ, yard games, desert, check out something new, anything, anything at all was reason for "get togethers."
I miss her every day and I suppose I always will. I keep waiting for a "sign" from her......I'm still waiting mom. She's missed so much these last twelve years and so have we without her. I hope some how she "knows." I will honor her today the only way I know how, since we don't have nickel slots in this state. I will buy an Easter Lilly, some chocolate and go out to the cemetery for a visit. I think she'd like that. Love you mommy.
p.s. mom, in case I never said it........"thank you."